Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss

483-Do You Really Need More Time?

Through satisfaction and making intentional choices to pursue a fulfilling life, we can be happy. Does this require more time to do? Tune in to find out in this episode of Everyday Happiness. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I wonder if when people say, I need more hours in the day, I’m overwhelmed, I’m stressed, I’m tired, I’m so busy.  I wonder if what they are really saying is that I just want to be happy.  

 

It’s this idea that I want to just sail off to a deserted island with only a staff that brings me pina coladas. You want to let it all go because that tug of overwhelm, stress, and busyness is so strong. 

 

Hear me out.  If we’re happy, we’re by definition, fulfilled on some level.  We’re not stressed and overwhelmed and feel like we are drowning in todos, we’re happy.  We’re maybe even content.  Can we be happy and overwhelmed?  Can we be happy and busy doing the things that are not helping us live this fulfilling life we’re after? 

 

The science seems pretty clear that happiness has 2 parts: 1) happy positive emotions, joy, contentment, love, with 2) satisfaction and purpose.  Together, you get well-rounded happiness.   And I would also say, you’ll get that feeling of fulfillment.  

 

Of course you can be abundantly busy and happy.  If you're intentional about your busy.  Right? 

 

So when we say we’re overwhelmed.  Are we really saying, I feel like I just need a little more happiness in my life?  Whether that’s part 1 of the equation, connection with the people you love, that positive emotion, or if it’s part 2, work you are inspired by, volunteering that excites you, a book you are writing. 

 

This is where the happiness emotion and how we spend our time collide into life fulfillment and Intentional Margins®.  If you don’t make time for the things that light your hair on fire.  The things that matter to you.  Are you really happy?   

 

So if we truly want to be happy, we need to look ourselves in the mirror and figure out how we are spending our time. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox over at katiejefcoat.com/happiness and don’t forget to hit that subscribe button wherever you are tuning into today. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

482-The Brain as a Glitter Jar

Our brains are like a jar of swirling glitter, especially when we are young. I encourage you to tune in today to get the full scope of this analogy and how to use it with your kids. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and years ago I was listening to a talk by child psychologist and author Lisa Damour about raising kids, especially girls and she talked about an analogy she had heard of that seems so practical and effective for kids and adults that I wanted you to have this analogy too. 

 

But before I get into that, please consider subscribing and writing a review for Everyday Happiness on Apple Podcasts or Amazon Flash Briefings so we can spread happiness to others.  Apparently, until you have 50 reviews, it’s really hard to get noticed in this busy world, so we’d be so grateful for you to be one of the first 50.  You’d really be helping us out.  There is a link in the show notes. 

 

Back to the glitter jar.  Imagine you fill a jar with water and glitter.  Three colors of glitter: one to represent thoughts, one to represent feelings, and one to represent behaviors.

 

This jar represents your brain.  The jar is like our mind, and each color of glitter represents something different in our mind.

 

When the jar sits on the table, all the glitter falls to the bottom, the mind is calm. 

 

We wake up, we go to work, we do all the things and the mind starts to swirl.  The glitter starts to wake up too.  

 

We don’t want the thoughts and feeling to go away or push them down in our body.  We just want to be able to see clearly.  When the jar is all shook up, emotions are high, we can’t see clearly.  We can’t think. 

 

For adults, we also need time to calm down, to gather our thoughts, to have a moment and let the glitter settle so we can see and think clearly.  

 

In kids, because their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, they literally don’t think like we do, and really need time to think and calm themselves down because the neurons in their under-developed brain are like the glitter and firing on all cylinders and not in the way grown-ups process, they are just not developmentally ready.  

 

So the next time you feel out of sorts, take a moment, and think of the glitter jar and let those emotions and thoughts settle a bit. 

 

You can Google “mind in a jar, glitter” and get tons of how-tos to make your own jar and scripts to explain this to your child.   

 

I hope this tip was helpful.  Until next time. Remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

481-How to Increase Flow Experiences

Continuing our flow discussion, this episode of Everyday Happiness provides actionable advice on how to increase your flow experiences.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today we are continuing our discussion on "flow." I want to share a few methods which Sonya Lyubomirsky writes about in her book How of Happiness.

The first recommendation she makes to increase flow experiences is first to control attention. Essentially, to control your attention, you must give it your full focus. Rather than wondering what’s for dinner or checking your phone for the 10th time that hour, you must rid yourself of distractions to keep your attention on the task at hand. It isn't easy, but with practice, it will get better.

The second method to increase flow is to adopt new values. How she recommends doing this is to be open to new and different experiences as well as activate a drive for learning something new all the time. When you are trying or learning something new, do it with the wonder of a child rather than an adult who is too afraid to fail.

Third, she recommends learning what flows for you. Recognizing when flow works for us can be tricky, especially when we have preconceived notions of what or when we flow. For example, a study performed demonstrated that workers actually flow more when they are at work when performing high-skill tasks than they do when they are completing leisure activities at home.

However, when asked what they would rather be doing, workers regularly stated that they would rather be doing something else while working but keep doing the same thing at leisure. This misrepresentation is not beneficial, so it is important to evaluate yourself with an open mind.

Next, Sonya recommends transforming routine tasks. Let's face it; not every chore we complete can be fun, but by inserting microtasks into it, we can initiate a flow. An example she gave was us tapping our fingers to the beat of the music when driving. It is simple, but it takes effort and will keep your mind from wandering away from the road.

Next up is flow in conversation. You know those times when you get so deep in a chat with someone that you lose all concept of time…and end up being the last table sitting in the restaurant? This is what you want to aim for. If you find your mind wandering off in a conversation, give your all to listening to exactly what the person is saying, explore internally how it makes you feel, and expand the discussion with follow-up questions. The key point here, though, it to listen more than you talk.

Sonya also recommends pursuing "smart" leisure and "smart" work to increase your flow experiences. What does this mean? Smart leisure means taking on fun activities that activate your flow. While decompressing by watching tv or playing games is fine, you don’t want to spend the whole night doing it.

Smart work means identifying meaning in what you are doing. Rather than thinking of it as a 9-5 requirement to pay the bills, think of it instead as a way to help someone achieve their dream, improve their lives, receive comfort, or whatever works for you. Through a positive lens, you can enter the flow state easier than if you dread every minute of the day.

Lastly, you want to aim for superflow! Superflow is when you are all in on whatever you do with no concept or care of the outside world. You love it and want to keep going. Just keep in mind that superflow must come in moderation as it can be addictive. You never want superflow to hinder your responsibilities.

That's all on flow experiences for today, but I am curious. What gets you into a flow state or even a superflow state? Share with us in a 5 star review or on social @everydayhappinesswithkatie 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

480-Getting into Flow Experiences

To achieve greater happiness out of everyday tasks, it is critical that we understand and pursue “flow experiences.” Tune in today to learn more! 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I have a question for you. Have you ever become so involved in a task that time literally flies by? You aren't checking your watch? You forget that you're hungry or that your back hurts from hunching over? We often hear of people experiencing this when they play a sport, pray, talk with a dear friend, play a game, or work on a beloved hobby.

I’m sure that you have felt this before, but there is actually a name for it and a way to use it for your own happiness. This concept is called a “flow state,” and it was coined by Mihaly …hold on…gotta say this slowly….Csikszentmihayi (chick-SENT-me-hi). Phew..that was hard! We are just going to call him MC from now.

When MC coined this term, it was with the definition that a flow state is when a person enters a state of intense absorption and involvement with the present moment. Essentially, you are ALL IN with the moment, with very little concept of your surroundings or the passing of time. Prior to learning this term, me and mine called it “being in the zone.”

MC believed the key to a good life was frequently achieving the flow state. Sonja Lyubomsirky points out that this is a delicate balance. An activity, no matter what it is, that is too challenging and goes beyond one's skill can create stress or anxiety. Whereas an activity that is too easy can leave one feeling bored and restless. The flow state sits right in that sweet spot between, challenging you just enough to keep your full attention but not so much that it freaks you out.

Fortunately, we can experience the flow state in almost everything we do, whether at work, hanging with friends, or even cleaning the house. But why is it good for you? First of all, you are obviously deriving enjoyment from the activity. Second, it is rewarding. You know that feeling when you get so in the zone that a ton of stuff gets done? It's a significant accomplishment! We feel good about doing it. So good, usually, that we try to replicate it.

Now, here is where people run into problems. As you know, the more you do something, the easier it gets. So, for example, if practicing rollerblading gets you into the flow state, eventually, it will no longer be challenging enough to hold your attention. Your body adapts and it becomes something you can do with no thought. Therefore, you will have to make the activity harder, like learning spins or tricks, to achieve the same flow state. Challenging ourselves and making it just a bit of a struggle is the key.

Now that we understand the flow state make sure to tune in tomorrow to learn how to increase your flow experiences.

Until then, take a moment today to spread a bit of kindness to the world. And remember to follow me on socials! 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

479-Let’s Talk Lagom

Let’s talk Lagom! In this episode of Everyday Happiness, we discuss the meaning of the word “lagom,” how it is seen in various cultures, and how we can use it in our own lives! 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I want to talk to you about the Swedish word “lagom.” Lagom can be translated roughly to mean “just enough.” Lagom is a word used to describe moderation and balance. For example, two pairs of flip-flops are lagom, but 25 is not. Alternatively, one scoop of ice cream is lagom, but three bowls are not. Essentially it is our concept of "less is more," or it can act as a contrast to "more is better."

 

Of course, the Swedish aren’t the only ones to have a word like this. For example, and please excuse my poor pronunciation, in Norway, they have "passelig," in Finnish, they have "sopivasti," in Albanian, they have "taman," in Indonesian, there is "pas," and in ancient Greek, there is even “metron ariston.” 

 

Now, if all of these countries, many of which are known for having happy, vibrant societies, have this word, then there must be a justification for it. If one were to really break it down, it is simply the concept of moderation. Rather than always wanting more or bigger or better, we take happiness and joy from a modest, appropriate, sustainable amount.

 

Moderation is healthy in all aspects of life, including happiness. Now, you may be thinking, moderation in happiness…say what, Katie? Isn’t the whole point of this podcast to increase happiness? Yes, but one must increase it in a sustainable, healthy way.

 

Research has shown that people who place too much of themselves into chasing happiness often experience less of it.

 

First of all, forcing happiness never turns out as one would hope. You can’t force yourself to experience happiness where you otherwise wouldn't, so your mind must recognize that it is content or satisfied, but it doesn't have to be jumping for joy.

 

Second, extreme positive states like euphoria and exuberance are not good long-term. They often leave people unaware of their environment and lacking in empathy. As doctor Jaime Kurtz explained, you can “Think of excessive happiness as a broken thermostat. It’s unsustainable and likely to lead to disappointment.”

 

Rather than pursuing excessive happiness or trying to force it, it is better to approach a lagom style of happiness. This is where you experience happiness as it comes naturally and recognize when you need to process and experience negative emotions. Doing so will give you a balanced and sustainable sense of positivity and happiness that serves you better in the long run.

In the comments or in a direct message, tell me where you have recently practiced lagom. For example, having lagom with a single brownie, rather than going back for seconds…thirds…or sixths. 

You can find me over @everydayhappinesswithkatie on social media.

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Article Inspired by: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-trails/201701/new-scandinavian-buzzword-offers-advice-happier-life

 

478-Clearing The Clutter

7 tips to clear the physical clutter.  Because we all know clutter is random and randomness causes overwhelm.  So where do you start?  Listen in to find out.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and I’m on a kick to clear the clutter and streamline not only my workspace, but also my home and how I consume all the things that end up in front of my eyes or in my earbuds.  

 

As you know, I am obsessed with finding Intentional Margins.  And if you tuned in yesterday, you know I recently felt like the order I was craving was full of randomness and overwhelm. 

 

When I felt like I needed order it came two-fold:  First, with the tasks I needed to do and keep up with.  Second was all the things I was looking at around my house that felt totally out of place.  You know that feeling, when things don’t have a home and they just find a way to a flat surface and pretty soon, you don’t even notice that it doesn’t belong.  

 

Truth be told, my family is completely blind to these types of things and I zone in and focus on it.  As an example, it’s the headphones to the iPad that are in the mudroom - no one knows why - when they should be in the office.  It’s the pictures against a way that need to be hung.  It’s the clothes in the laundry room that need to be sorted for donations.  It’s the little things all over the house that are sitting out in plain sight in a spot that is not their home.  It used be toys when the kids were little.  And we could tidy that up pretty quickly.  But now it’s just random stuff.  

 

I get an email every now and then from a website called Simplify Magazine and in this email recently, they talked about a few habits to keep your house clutter-free. 

 

First, Make your bed each morning.  We all know how good it feels to see a nice made bed at night. 

 

Second, clean dishes after meals.   This helps your kitchen feel tidy. 

 

Third, Store things off the kitchen counter.  Personally, if we can not use flat surfaces for storage, it helps a lot in the feeling of tidiness. 

 

Fourth, handle the mail immediately and throw out everything you don’t need. 

 

Fifth, return items nightly.  This was the problem I was having.  It had been months since I invited my kids to do a one-hour tidy up like I described yesterday in Episode 477 and gosh do I wish I did that more often. 

 

Sixth was to complete 1-2 minute jobs immediately.  

 

And lastly, a way to feel less cluttered is to minimize over-filled spaces. 

 

So, I hope you found these tips just as helpful as I did.  

 

If you want to get everyday happiness delivered to your inbox, you can subscribe at https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

477-Managing Overwhelm In Real Time

Today I share with you how I completely felt overwhelmed, what was the root cause (hint, it all goes back to core values) and how I managed to come out of this phase. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today this is an episode about musings about life because let’s face it sometimes life can get a little bit out of control and that is exactly how I’ve been feeling the last 10 days or so. 

 

The kids are back in school and it feels like I haven’t caught my breath, so I sat down and made a list of all the things that I was trying to accomplish.  What I know is that order is such an important part of my calm if you remember back at episode 381 we talked about personal core values and how they determine your emotional state and what I know is that when things feel out of order when things feel too random it causes my mind to feel like I can’t get control.  And when that happens, I’m not a happy camper. 

 

I say all the time randomness causes overwhelm and that is exactly what I was feeling because I had so many things on my list and nothing felt like it had a place in the order of things so my email wasn’t being tended to and I had use my email as a to do list which is such a bad idea on so many levels but that is exactly what I had been doing and so this past weekend I sat down and I got to work.  I needed to regain some order. 

 

I made a list of all of the things I wanted to accomplish including ordering the choir uniforms for my daughter and paying her music department dues for school and ordering the music t-shirt for my son and scheduling the orthodontist appointment and rescheduling the allergist appointment and ordering a comforter for a bed and cleaning out the laundry room, I mean there are so many things that were just on the list that needed to get done including going through my email because I had hundreds of emails that were unread that needed attention that something need to happen with and then I have thousands of spam emails that nothing really needed to happen, I just needed to delete them and so I spent hours with my laptop on my lap while I sat next to my husband and watch college football on Saturday just processing email and after a couple thousand emails I felt like I was finally starting to gain back that control because I was finally starting to see that there was a little bit more order. 

 

I also encouraged my kids to do a one hour “follow me around the house and help me with things” process and if you listen back to episode 476 we talked about how one of the things you can do to help with motivating you to do things you don’t want to do, is to set a time limit and then be done so that’s what I did with my kids and we did that this weekend and we cleaned out the laundry room I went through all of these dress-up clothes and costumes that the children have had over the years they clearly don’t fit them and they don’t want and I got them ready to donate for Halloween coming up.   There were so many easy things I just hadn’t prioritized.  I had them organize our tupperware drawers which felt out of order. We’re making lunches for school and I didn’t always have a top to match the bottom of tupperware and that is annoying so we organize the tupperware drawers and my oh my are they gorgeous. I love it so much.  These seemingly little things have really gone a long way to help my mental health and to help me feel like I can tackle the day, to help me feel like I can start to see order which then brings me that calm feeling I’m after.

 

On Monday morning I had a small list of places I needed to call during business hours and then I had my proactive tasks that I wanted to accomplish - my daily big three.  I feel so much better but I wanted to just share with you how anyone can go down the spiral and then what I’ve done to bring myself out of it.  Now this may work for some of you not for others but if you’re feeling overwhelmed take a few hours and really try to crush as many things as you can see how it makes you feel.

 

I’d love to know what tips or hacks you do when you are feeling completely overwhelmed.  And remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

476-Picking Apart Procrastination

Are you procrastinating on a task, simply unable to find the will to get it done? Today, we talk about procrastination. Why it happens and how to stop it! Tune it to learn more!

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and I don’t wanna do this episode recording…can’t I do it tomorrow? Just kidding! I love doing these podcasts, but I will be the first to admit that procrastination can strike at any time!

A 2007 study found that 94% of people admit to procrastinating. Another study found that procrastinating can lead to stress, anxiety, guilt, and even affect our health! One would think that this obvious set of actions and consequences would teach us to stop procrastinating…but it doesn't; we continue to do it time and time again, negatively affecting our happiness? Why do we do this to ourselves, you ask?

Research suggests that procrastinating is caused by a wide range of concepts, from genetics to task aversion to emotional avoidance. It can be as simple as not wanting to do it or having layered reasoning. For example, one can procrastinate on scheduling a call with a client because they:

A: Understand that talking on the phone causes them anxiety.

B: Recognize that they will end up with more work on their plate.

C: Know that the client likes to drone on and waste their time.

D: All of the above!

So, what can we do to bust procrastinating and improve our happiness?

An article from Tania Luna from Psychology Today recommends the following:

First, initiate self-study. By looking internally, we may be able to discover what is causing us to procrastinate. For example, we want to look into what feelings this specific task initiates, what steps we have to take to complete it and why those bother us, the consequences of avoiding it, and how we will feel when it does get accomplished.

Now, I am not telling you to beat yourself up about procrastinating, but rather to find out why it is happening in the first place. If you get stuck in a negative feedback loop, take a break. Not sure what I mean? Check out episode 475.

The second step to busting procrastination is giving yourself some grace. It may sound odd or counterproductive, but sometimes we really just have to show ourselves some compassion.

We need to recognize that we are not alone in procrastinating, acknowledge that it is a normal and reasonable fact of life, forgive ourselves for being behind, and see ourselves as wiser and stronger for taking this mental step.

Studies have shown that giving yourself some compassion will actually make you less likely to procrastinate on the same task in the future. And on occasion, it is healthy to let ourselves off the hook with non-essential tasks. So you didn't do the dishes one night, or you didn't make it to a work event; oh well! The world won't stop turning; it's okay to take a break.

The last tip to bust procrastination is to dopamine hack. There are obviously some tasks in life that do not make us happy. I can't say that cleaning the bathrooms makes me want to jump for joy. But, we can make some tasks happier to complete through dopamine hacking. Here are four ideas you can try, and we will use cleaning the bathroom as an example.

1.       Chunk It! Break up the task into smaller chunks, and conquer them one at a time. For example, cleaning all the toilets at once. Next round, all the sinks. Next, all the showers. You get it.
2.       Time It! Set a timer for a specific amount of time, and try to get as much done as possible. It's like a race against the clock. When the timer goes off, take a break and do something else fun.  This is what I do with my kids. 
3.       Milestone it! Some of us respond well to deadlines. When you have an arduous task, give yourself a due date and put it on the calendar!
4.       Reward It! We can train ourselves not to despise a task if there is a reward at the end. Let's say you are cleaning all the bathrooms; you could reward yourself with a piece of chocolate, an episode of your favorite show, or a walk in the sunshine after completing it!

 

I know I will definitely try these tricks the next time I have a challenging task, and I hope you will too! In the comments, tell me which tasks you procrastinate the most often on. Want to stop procrastinating on listening to my episodes? Take a shortcut and get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

Inspired by this article in Psychology Today

475-Stop the Overthinking

Is your mind buzzing with negative thoughts that sting over and over again? The cycle of overthinking is brutal. Tune in today to learn how you can stop the overthinking!

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I want to talk to you about overthinking. How many times a day are you getting caught in a negative feedback loop of rumination? It’s like this one thought is a wasp bouncing around in your head, stinging you over and over with no relief.

I often feel it at night when I am trying to sleep. I get unnecessary thoughts stuck in my head like "I can't believe my friend said that," "why did I eat that second brownie when I'm trying to avoid sugar this week," or even "is my life path bringing me all of the happiness I desire." It is unproductive, unhealthy, and prevents me from getting my much-desired sleep, and you all know how I feel about sleep.

When re-reading Sonya Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness, I came back across her ideas on overthinking. While it is good to be aware of our feelings and investigate how and why we respond to specific triggers, Sonya discussed that while many believe turning one’s thoughts inward helps with self-reflection, there are limits and caveats.

First, one should avoid ruminating when they are feeling sad or distraught. When you are already in this state of unhappiness, adding unnecessary thoughts can leave you feeling "besieged, powerless, self-critical, pessimistic, and generally negatively biased." The more you think, the further you go in this downward spiral of self-doubt and helplessness. Your views of the world and yourself end up becoming distorted, and the subsequent opinions you form are inaccurate.

Additionally, even if you aren’t in a negative emotional state when you start overthinking, you can get there quite quickly. Overthinking can usher in negative biased thoughts and skew one's account of past actions, causing motivation to lessen and interfering with problem-solving and concentration.

So, what can you do to stop overthinking? I'll be honest; pulling yourself out can be tricky, but distraction is honestly one of the best answers. Of course, there will be times when we must experience negative aspects of life to process them but not overthink them. When you get to that overthinking stage, I suggest getting involved in an activity that pulls all your attention. For example, it could be:

-          Watching a movie

-          Playing a game

-          Listening to a podcast

-          Cooking a new recipe

-          Hanging out with your kids

-          Writing a gratitude list

-          Completing a random act of kindness

-          Or anything else that sucks up enough of your attention that there is no more room for negative thoughts.

Personally, when I catch myself in the overthinking mindset I like to do 10 jumping jacks and maybe even a few high kicks in place, something to completely change my thought cycle.  I also tell myself, if it’s appropriate, the lesson from Brene’ Brown which is the sentence:  “The story I’m making up in my head is …” and then I add, but that might not actually be the other person’s story.”  This kind of reminds me that I can get off track when I overthink a situation.  

Before we sign off, I ask that you share your overthinking distraction in a review or a DM! I always enjoy learning other creative methods from awesome people like you.

And remember, kindness is contagious! Go out into the world and be kind to someone today.

And, if you are enjoying this podcast, smash the subscribe button and leave a 5-star review.  It helps us spread more kindness into the world and we invite you to be a part of that. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

474-The Benefits of Dancing for Happiness

Dancing for joy isn’t just a phrase; it’s an actual method for increasing your happiness. Tune in to this episode of Everyday Happiness to learn more!

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I want to talk to you about dancing. Now, some of us are the type of people who like to dance with a mop while singing off-key to our favorite rap artists, while others are more sophisticated and take dance classes of some variety. However you choose to incorporate dance into your life, studies have shown that it increases not only your physical health but your mental health and happiness.

This episode is inspired by a wedding I attended last weekend where we danced all night long and had so much fun.  Then I saw an article in Very Well Mind, where they have all the study data listed. I don’t want to waste your time naming every study performed, but if you are curious, you can check out the article in my show notes.  The Universe was definitely telling me something. 

Let’s take a quick moment to discuss dance terms.

First, there is free-flow dance. This would be a self-led dance, like around the house!

Second, there is a choreographed dance. This would be ballroom dancing, tango, waltz, salsa, country dancing, and more, where you are hitting the floor with a partner in a traditional style.

Third, there is synchronized dance. This is where dancers do a synchronized dance next to each other, like in Zumba, a fitness class, or even a flash mob, but usually without touching.  

Last, there is dance therapy. American Dance Therapy Association (ADTA) defines this as the "psychotherapeutic use of movement to promote emotional, social, cognitive, and physical integration of the individual" to improve health and well-being.

Now, let’s take a look at the benefits.

First, we have physical health. Dancing takes effort, and it can result in a long list of benefits. When I say long...I mean long! It can be everything from improved strength to a lower risk for cardiovascular disease.

Second, dancing improves the mind. A study performed with older individuals who were put through a dance choreography class showed that the brain's memory center improved, helping to improve memory and possibly preventing dementia.

Third, dancing is social. Unless you go solo in your kitchen, most dancing occurs with other people. Studies show that dancing together with others improves the human bonding process, which activates our social skills and lessens loneliness.

Fourth, endorphins are released during dancing. As we have talked about before, endorphins can ease depression, lower anxiety, and improve your mood!

Overall, dancing is an easy way to boost your happiness. The only caveat is that you can’t take yourself too seriously. Dancing is hard; there is a high chance you will make a mistake or step on someone’s foot. BUT, everyone in the dance world knows this and won’t blame you for it.

So, you must go into dancing with an open mind, be ready to screw up, laugh at yourself, and have a wonderful time. The benefits are endless, so I encourage you to get out there!

P.S. I've also heard that you can take online couples courses. While I'm not an affiliate or anything, this would be a significant first step in dancing where you and your partner can learn and laugh together in the comfort of your home!

Are you a dancer? Share in the comments what style of dance you prefer! And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

Inspired by How Dancing Helps Your Mental Health in Very Well Mind.