Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss

263-Has Our Collective Trauma Hurt Our Ability To Be Kind?

We are experiencing a collective trauma with the COVID-19 pandemic. I wonder if these trauma feelings are manifesting in people being short and unkind. Let’s talk about how this is showing up in real life. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was talking with a friend the other day and I was lamenting on how humanity can feel heavy.  And I am so purposeful about surrounding myself with the very best of the best people and all the things and I’m that obnoxious person that has never woken up on the wrong side of the bed and really has good days every day.  

 

But my eyes are wide open.  I see stuff.  Even if not in my inner circle we can’t help but see the discourse and the negative communication among adults in this country. It makes me sad.  But more than that, I am trying to understand it and this is the question I am pondering right now: 

 

Has our collective trauma made us unkind, less patient, more aggressive and the more time we find ourselves communicating behind a screen, I wonder if we gain some courage and say things we wouldn’t say if we were looking someone in the eye.  

 

Let me explain.  

 

I believe, like others, that as a global population, we are experiencing a collective trauma with the COVID-19 pandemic.  This is a sliding scale in my opinion and we are all experiencing different levels of this trauma.  No one emotion or experience is less valuable than the other. 

 

I wonder if these trauma feelings are manifesting in people being short and unkind.  There is less grace or assuming positive intent.  There is less openness for your neighbors opinion. 

 

Maybe we are all so exhausted from this collective trauma that we just don’t have the bandwidth or the care, compassion and patience we once had. It feels easier and frankly more acceptable to snap back at someone from behind a computer screen than to pick up the phone or think about positive intent before typing.     So I’m wondering, how did we get here?  And is there an end in sight?  I don’t know?  I don’t have any answers.  But I am pondering these questions. 

 

What I do know is that kindness matters.  More now than ever before. I invite you to be a difference maker today.  To be extra kind.  To give someone a reason to think our humanity is worth fighting for.  That’s all.  Until next time, remember, Kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

262-The Quickest and Easiest Way to Boost Your Happiness

Do you want to be a little selfish and really figure out how to boost your own happiness as quickly as possible.  Then today is your lucky day, listen in. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and if you want to be selfish and really figure out how to boost your own happiness as quickly as possible. All you have to do is be kind to someone else.  

 

As the brilliant professor Dan Gilbert pointed out, even if you’re the most selfish person in the world, when it comes to happiness the best thing you can do is be kind, next time you are in line at the coffee shop, buy someone a cup of coffee, help your neighbor carry in their groceries, or give someone a compliment. 

 

Actually, if I think about this.  When I pull into the garage from a run to the grocery store and my husband or kids hear the door open, and someone walks to the garage and helps me carry in the groceries, it really does boost my happiness. 

 

Kindness and generosity are core sources of happiness for both individuals and the society at large.

 

Generosity also turns out to be good for your physical health, with studies showing that health benefits are greater for givers than for the takers.  

 

The scientists are onto something with this kindness action. So today, I invite you to do something nice for someone else.  It can be as small as putting a note in the mailbox to a friend, opening the door for someone the next time you walk into a shop, the ideas are endless.  We’d love to hear your ideas, so post on your social media stories and tag us so we can learn and celebrate your kindness! We’re @everydayhappinessiwthkatie 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

261-Random Acts Of Kindness Day

It’s Random Acts of Kindness Day and this is a very fun day to get out the confetti.  Want to be inspired, listen in. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today is Random Acts of Kindness Day.  First, can we just take a moment to celebrate how fun it is to have a kindness day.  There are so many ways to be kind, to share kindness, to spread a little love in the world and the research actually supports that it helps you as much as it boosts the happiness of the person you are kind to.  

 

Here are a few ideas to inspire you and today, of all days, please tag us on social and let us know what you are doing for kindness week.  

 

1.  Send a note in the mail.  I know you might be thinking, but it won’t get there today.  Let’s not let perfection stop us.  Just pop a postcard in the mail.  
2. Random Acts of Kindness . org says to take 5 - $1 bills out in the community today and see what presents itself. 
3. Another idea, which is so out of the ordinary is to compliment a driver on how well they parked.  Have you ever tried so hard to parallel park.  It would blow my mind if someone was like, hey, good job.  It would certainly make me smile. 
4. One of my favorite ways to spread kindness is to voice text someone.  On the iPone, you can actually record your voice sending a message.  On Facebook messenger you can do the same up to 1 minute.  I mean, how cool is that.  I love this idea so much.  
5. If you have little kids, making a card for a grandparent or special friend can be a lovely way to spread kindness. 
6. If you want to go bigger, a little gift or flowers left at the door of a friend. 
7. And let’s talk about charitable giving.  Whether it’s a little or a lot, giving is a great random act of kindness. 
8. Authentically recommend someone’s business to a friend. 

 

All of these ideas are just to get you inspired.  I promise you, it will boost your happiness too.  So, share what you are doing today and this week and beyond so we can be inspired with you.  

 

Until next time, keep spreading that kindness.  The ripple effect of kindness is contagious. 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

260-How Women Are Like Elephants

There is no community like a community of women and perhaps we can learn something from female elephants. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and there is no community like a community of women.  When you have made good friends, you know it.  The other day, my dear friend Wendy dropped a little surprise gift off at my door.  And, friends, let me tell you how meaningful it was to me.   This act of kindness.   

 

I opened it in front of her, she said she saw it and thought of me.  Which is so nice because gift giving is not my speciality. I am always in awe of people that find the perfect things.  

 

It was a beautiful scarf with elephants on it.  Do you know the story of the female elephant?  When an elephant is about to give birth or is injured, the other female elephants will close ranks around this elephant.  They will back into a circle until the vulnerable elephant can’t even be seen.  And they will then, start to kick up dust to, so much dust, to mask the scent of any predators and they will stand there, at attention, for as long as it takes.  

 

This, my friends, is what girlfriends do.  This is what we do in my membership community.  You take turns in the center, when you need a helping hand or you are going through some dark times, and the fiercest of ladies are circling around you.  Saying, we’ve got you until you are ready to stand back up and you will.   

 

When the baby is born or the elephant is ready to stand up, the female elephants trumpet in celebration.  If it’s a baby, they cover it with mud to protect it’s delicate skin.   

 

This scarf means so much to me.  And this is how the ripple effect of kindness starts. It doesn’t have to be a scarf.  It can be a postcard.  It can be a voice memo, it can be any act of kindness.   

 

Tomorrow is random acts of kindness day and I encourage you to think about how you can spread your own type of kindness. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

259-How To Achieve The Happiness Magic In Relationships

How do you find the right partner?  What are the types of relationships that make you feel good?  Well, would you believe, there is a happiness answer and we spill the beans today. 

 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and The Happiness Research Institute talks about the three dimensions to our identity, our self-understanding as it applies to relationships.  This, what I am about to articulate to you, that I learned from The Happiness Research really turned on the lightbulb for me.  

 

The three dimensions to our identity are:

1.  Who we feel we are 
2. Who we want to be 
3. How other people see us  

 

The magic is when we have relationships where we feel we are genuine and authentic to who we are and people see us for who we are. 

 

And those same people see us for who we are and also want to help us become who we want to be.  

 

When we feel we are who we want to be, and people see us that way, that's when we achieve happiness.   

 

It’s brilliant and simple and complex all at the same time.  Can you think of a relationship where that person is all-in, your biggest fan and also sees your potential and sees you for who you are?   That probably makes you feel good right?  Feel secure, confident, satisfied and even happy. 

 

On the flip, we all have relationships that don’t make us feel amazing and I am guessing that you can reflect and see which element is missing.  

 

Today, I invite you to think about your relationships, which ones bring you happiness and how you can have more of that. 

 

Until next time, keep spreading that kindness. 

 

This episode was inspired by The Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark and their happiness course, The Happy Course.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

258-Flexibility At Work = Happiness

Flexibility, autonomy and more, they matter a lot when it comes to happiness at work. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and flexibility is a key component to happiness at work.  So much goes into meaningful work and job satisfaction and why people stay or why people leave jobs. 

 

In his TED talk, Dan Pink outlines 3 things that make or break our happiness with work: 

 

He says the first is autonomy.  If you want to get the best results from people, give them autonomy.  Give them control over their work.  

 

Second, he says, is mastery.  Millions of people do work they don’t have to, for free, because they get some satisfaction from being challenged, and mastering the challenge.  This is so interesting right.  My brother in law is a computer wizard and he’s got all the degrees in things like coding and programming.  Well, when there is an internet challenge to write the code to solve the problem, he’s all in.  And the prize might just be bragging rights.  He’s also all in to help the greater good, if there is a glitch that needs attention.  People do things to master their craft all the time.  

 

The third, Dan Pink says, is purpose:  This is where companies are trying to make big changes.  More purpose driven mission statements and so on.  What we find is that when people work for money but not purpose, they start doing bad work. Having a purpose to work towards drives people more powerfully than any number.  Like this work matters.  

 

The thought leaders at The Happiness Research Institute and Dan Pink think If you are unhappy at work, it’s probably because of one of those three things.

 

If, through career advancement or by speaking to your superiors, or your own effort, you can do nothing to affect these three things then the research suggests you consider a job change. Eek!  That seems harsh.  I get it.  Take it with a grain of salt. 

 

The key is to simply have a good understanding of what drives you, and the freedom to direct your own efforts towards something that matters.

 

If you are a manager out there, this might be especially interesting for you.  And if you aren't and you wonder why you are annoyed at work, this might bring some insight into your own dissatisfaction.   

 

Until next time, smash that subscribe button and if you feel called, share this podcast with three friends.  Who doesn’t love happiness, right? 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

257-A Perfect Example Of The Ripple Effect Of Kindness

This inspiring story is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to creating a ripple effect of kindness. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today I was reading my happiness lesson in the course by The Happiness Research Institute and the professor wrote a story that so brilliantly describes how contagious happiness really is.  And there are a million stories like this one.  

 

He said “Two firefighters were standing in the middle of a long line at a fast food restaurant.

Before they could reach the front of the queue, the siren on the firetruck went off and they had to leave, hungry. Seeing this, a couple who had just received their meals gave them to the firefighters and got back in the queue to order. When they finally reached the front of the line, the manager paid for their meals.” 

 

Maybe you are kind to someone and karma doesn’t come back to you that quickly, you will still get the emotional happiness boost of being kind.  

 

Kindness is not only a virtue that’s easy to practise, it genuinely makes the giver happier than the receiver.

 

This is a real life example, but I wonder how this would play out in social media if we thought the person on the other side of the screen was looking right at us?  

 

We are social beings, we know this.  We care about what other people do, what other people think of us and how we are doing compared to everyone else.  

 

But what if we set an example of being kind.  And what if that ripple effect started to take hold and diminish some of the toxicity in favor of a more kind social media? 

 

We care about what other people think, generally.  This is why people care about relative income and not absolute income.  We’ve talked about this. 

 

People look at how their peers are doing, so we can see why social media would have a negative effect on how people feel about their lives. But what if we flipped the switch. 

 

Social comparisons are a pattern in happiness and it’s heightened on social media. 

 

I’m excited to be more overtly kind on social media and to highlight more kindness on social media and I invite you to do the same, maybe, you and I can start a ripple effect that goes way beyond us.  If nothing else, it will boost our happiness and the happiness of the people we are kind to. 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

256-How A 2 Minute Margin Can Change Your Relationships

Two minutes can completely change your relationships and here’s one example.

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and back in Episode 231 I mentioned my 2-minute-margin and you all loved it and asked great questions, so I am going to explain it in a little more detail. 

 

INTENTIONAL MARGINS® can be a buffer of time.  It’s the 5 minutes (or maybe even 2) before a big meeting, a phone call, switching tasks.

 

For me, about 3 years ago now, when my kids were riding a bus to school, I realized how important the moments when my kids, but especially my little guy, stepped off the bus were to him and to me.

 

Before this time, I would always be finishing one last thing as the bus rolled up.  Either a text, an email, or I would be on the phone, hushing my little kids as they gleefully bounced off the bus, waving to the bus driver as my phone was tucked between my shoulder and my ear. 

 

And then, I realized, I was missing the best parts of life and what kind of message was I sending my kids?  It’s a gut punch. They were always so excited to see me and tell me about their day and for me to inevitably grab the backpack or art they had brought home. 

 

So, I decided to commit to my Intentional Margins®.  I put my phone away - completely out of sight - 2 minutes before I expected the bus to roll up.  I gathered my thoughts.  I set a quick intention for how I wanted to show up for them.  And when they got to the stop, I was waiting.  My phone was tucked into my pocket.  I was looking at them, their smiles, watching them bounce off the bus and more than anything, I was present for them in those initial moments.  The message it sent to my kids was that I am here, I value you and I want to be here, in this moment - with you.  

 

My creating this Intentional Margin®, It forever changed the way I am with my kids.  And it was less than 5 minutes of my day.

 

Oprah has a saying that when she enters a meeting she asks “what is the intention for this meeting”?  It’s so clever right?  We can do that, but we can also ask ourselves, how do I want to show up?  It really only takes a couple of minutes to make a big difference in how you feel more balanced, especially during those super busy days. 

 

This does not happen overnight.  We’ve built an entire community around practicing this.  

 

I invite you to create a 2-minute margin as a transition to take a deep breath, ask yourself how you want to show up and what is your intention for the very next thing.  I promise this goes a long way.

 

Until next time, keep spreading that kindness. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

255-How Money Affects Happiness: Our 6 Factor Series Part 6 of 6

Welcome to our 6-part series on the 6 categories that affect happiness the most.  Today we dive into category 6 of 6 -money, so let’s go. 

 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and the Happiness Research Institute in Denmark has developed factors they think affect someone's happiness. They have 6 factors that they group together, they are: health, relationships, freedom, trust, kindness and money.  Today we’re talking about money. 

 

The Happiness Research Institute fully admits at the outset that money is complex and there are nuances, but without a doubt money matters for happiness. Their reasoning is that generally richer people, richer countries are happier than poorer ones. So the idea is that not having money causes unhappiness.  

 

For most people, spending money on food, security and health converts unhappiness to happiness. However, once these basic life needs are met, the more money you have, the less of an impact it has. 

 

This is what the research says -- we’ve already talked about this in episode 34. The research says that after you make about $75,000 a year salary in America - this is an average and depends a lot on where you live - your happiness does not rise exponentially when you make more money.  This is what economists call the Diminishing Marginal Return.  

 

But, it’s not that simple because people don’t always care about absolute income.  They tend to care more about how much they make in compensation to their peers.  We talk specifically about this in episodes 179 and 180.  So social comparison matters, when talking about money, and the richer you are doesn’t follow the same trajectory as the happier you’ll get.  More money will not make you equally happier.  

 

So there you have it, the nuanced discussion on happiness and money.  I hope you re-listen to the podcasts referenced earlier as they give you a deeper understanding of happiness and money.  

 

Until next time, keep being kind to one another.

 

This episode was inspired by The Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark and their happiness course, The Happy Course.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

254-How Kindness Affects Happiness: Our 6 Factor Series Part 5 of 6

Welcome to our 6-part series on the 6 categories that affect happiness the most.  Today we dive into category 5 of 6 -kindness, so let’s go. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and the Happiness Research Institute in Denmark has developed factors they think affect someone's happiness. They have 6 factors that they group together, they are: health, relationships, freedom, trust, kindness and money.  Today we’re talking about kindness.  

 

We know that kindness is contagious and we will be diving into this more.  But today, we’re talking about the findings from The Happiness Research Institute.  

 

We are wired to feel good when we do good.  Some people call it “helpers high”. We have a trigger in our brain that rewards us when we are helping other people. It is the same trigger in our brain that triggers survival.  At the end of the day, our species,more than anything else, is trying to survive.  It’s good for our species and we are trying to survive, the reward trigger in our brain will fire.  It’s just the way our complex brains work.  So it’s good for the survival of the human species when we help one another, when we collaborate, when we work together instead of competing with one another. 

 

People who become active in volunteer work become happier. Not only because it feels good to do good, but also because in a lot of volunteer activities you are exposed to a wider range of good and less fortunate life.  

 

Doing good can be a part of your identity. It’s like when you go to a cocktail party, you usually talk about your job, it has a huge impact on your identity.  Charity work and volunteering can do the same thing, which makes people feel good.   

 

The gist of this is that kindness matters.  Whether it’s on a small scale or a big scale, it matters.  When you make someone smile, they can’t help but share kindness with another person.  It’s how our DNA has been wired since the beginning of time. So, instead of fighting this DNA, be kind, make an effort to be kind and spread that kindness throughout your day.  You just never know how the kindness will be returned to you. 

 

Until next time, my hope is that you spread kindness and you smile today. 

 

This episode was inspired by The Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark and their happiness course, The Happy Course.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/