Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss

353-The Science Of Kindness Part-1

Science has shown that kindness improves our happiness and health on genetic, physical, mental, and emotional levels. Learn more in this podcast, part one of two!  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and happiness expert Shawn Achor says that a happiness habit of sending a note of appreciation will increase our happiness, and it can move us from a pessimist to a low level optimist.  Whether that’s sending an email or text message every morning in appreciation for someone or taking the honors course and writing a kindness card, this type of activity has been proven to boost happiness not only in ourselves, but others as well. 

 

Studies have shown that if you perform just one act of kindness a day, you can reduce your stress, anxiety and depression. Your body is flooded with serotonin, the chemical in your body that makes you feel happier, healthier and calmer. The recipient of your kindness gets the same boost of serotonin too! You get a boost of endorphins that reduce pain and your oxytocin levels rise, which help you feel more loving - which has also been proven to reduce blood pressure. Again, the recipient of your kindness gets the same boost in endorphins and oxytocin.      

 

What is also so incredible, is that this is contagious.  Yup, when other people see you sending a kindness card, they feel the scientific boosts of happiness as well.  You don’t have to be the sender or recipient to feel good.  So it works like this, you post on social media that you sent or received a kindness card.  Hashtag #kindnesscards. Your friends on social media feel a boost and they are significantly more likely to take your inspiration and do something kind for someone else in their sphere, just by seeing your post.  And if you are the recipient of the card, it’s almost guaranteed that you will pass on some kindness to another person. It’s just our human nature. 

 

Don’t we all want to live in a world that has more kindness and more positivity.  Whether that’s on social media or in our backyard.  

 

It only takes one person to start the chain reaction and if enough of us do it, there is no stopping it. So go out there, spread kindness, use the hashtag #kindnesscards and share with us all the joy so we can all get a boost of happiness.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

352-Using Kindness Cards

Some examples of ways to use kindness cards. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and we’ve been using Kindness Cards as tags on gifts.  We tape the card to the package and when the recipient sees this note, it always gives them a big smile, whether they are a kid or an adult.  On the back side, we write a little note and sign our name.  It’s so simple.  It’s so fun. And it’s so unexpected, it heightens the experience for both the giver and receiver. 

 

And just the other day I was on a flight when my cell phone was about to die. The cord I packed was broken and didn’t work.  I asked the flight attendant if he had a personal iphone charging cord he could lend me and he did - no questions asked.  I was so thankful.  I wrote a little note on the napkin they passed out with the drinks and handed it to him with his cord at the end of my flight.  He was so touched.  I wish I had a pack of cards with me in my carryon luggage - note for next time.  And you know, giving the flight attendant a handwritten note made me feel good too.  So many times we think about doing nice things and for whatever reason, we don’t.  I do think all of the time.  I think about all the ways I will show up and send cards and bring flowers to a friend’s house, cook a meal and I can tell you, I think about way more than I actually do. I have great intentions, but they’re just that - intentions.  Which is why I like Kindness Cards so much, because the space on the back of the card is small enough it’s not intimidating and it’s easy to pop in the mail.  

 

In fact, I’ve created a little tray with some cards, my address list and some stamps and my favorite pens.  Now, everything is right at my finger tips for easy access to send a card - no excuses.  

 

In closing, I wanted to remind you that kindness is contagious and how ever you show up in kindness is perfect.  If you want to check out our Kindness Cards, you can do that over at www.katiejefcoat.com 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

351-Showing-Gratitude-Through-Kindness-Cards

Gratitude boosts happiness.  Sending kindness cards are one way we can do that and create a ripple effect of kindness. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and have you seen the buzz?  Kindness cards are available for you to purchase right now on our website, www.katiejefcoat.com. But you don’t need to get my batch of postcards, you can make your own and have the same benefits.  

 

Taking time to write a note of appreciation can benefit both the writer and the recipient. Which is why this type of action is so powerful.  

 

Write a simple but meaningful message. I designed these postcards to have enough space to jot down a note and not feel overwhelmed with a lot of white space and feel like you have to write a novel.   We’ve all been there when we have this beautiful card and can’t think of the words to attach to the sentiment we’re feeling.  Simply writing sending you a smile will do.  Or, I’ve been thinking of you, you’ve been on my mind, I hope you are doing well is all that it takes. 

 

You can pop the card in the mail and in 2-minutes, you’ve boosted your happiness and that card is on its way to boost more happiness.  The recipient of the gratitude card will be so touched that you not only took the time to express your appreciation, but that you went to the effort to send a card.

 

So check out Kindness Cards on our website, www.katiejefcoat.com and share with us how you are spreading kindness by using the hashtag #KindnessCards.  

 

Remember, kindness is contagious, so go out there and keep spreading kindness in the world today.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

350-The Happiness Pie Chart Revised

Fourteen years after the first major scientific paper on how we can affect our own happiness, and over more than a decade more research by dozens of scientists, the original authors Kennon M. Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky have reviewed the increased research in this field and revised their findings.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and researchers Kennon M. Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky in 2019 revised their infamous pie chart model where they said in 2005 that 40% of our happiness is found in intentional activity.  They spurred on so much great behavioral science research in their initial findings that they revised their perspective in 2019. They say that “this more recent research affirms that people can affect their own happiness, via their deliberate efforts. Admittedly, however, these effects tend to be smaller than we initially believed.” 

 

Their findings indicate that “[w]hen people change their intentional behavior – that is, doing something new that takes effort – they have a better chance of boosting their well-being and maintaining that boost than when they merely change a factual circumstance (such as moving into a new apartment, buying a car, or asking for and receiving a raise). This is because people are less likely to experience hedonic adaptation in response to life changes …[as opposed to] changes that merely substitute one stable circumstance for another”

 

What’s fascinating is that if people want to get happier, they have to have the “buy in”.  Simply requiring a person to do things that can boost their happiness is not enough if they haven’t actually bought in.   

 

So if we need to buy into these techniques to boost our happiness, how does hedonic adaptation play a role?  Well, hedonic adaptation is when we fall back to baseline.  We want to continue to stoke the fire so that we continue to experience that positive emotion of the new car, new house, new job. Maybe we won't go back to our set point if we can continue to stoke the fire.  

 

In other words, Sheldon and Lyubomirsky find that consistent with the French saying, ‘to each his own taste’ – certain activities appear to work better for certain people (Nelson & Lyubomirsky, 2014). For example, highly extraverted happiness seekers may reap more benefits from positive activities that require interacting with others (e.g. Pressman, Kraft, & Cross, 2015), and interventions delivered via mobile phones may be ideal for younger or tech-savvy users.

 

This is great news.  This means that we get to take the happiness boosting ingredients and create our own recipe for our fulfilled happiness. 

 

Today, I invite you to think of one thing that makes you happy and share it with us using the hashtag #everydayhappinesswithkatie 

 

Inspired By: Revisiting the Sustainable Happiness Model and Pie Chart: Can Happiness Be Successfully Pursued?  

1. Kennon M. Sheldon & Sonja Lyubomirsky (2021) Revisiting the Sustainable Happiness Model and Pie Chart: Can Happiness Be Successfully Pursued?, The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16:2, 145-154, DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2019.1689421

 

 http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/files/2019/11/Sheldon-Lyubomirsky-2019.pdf

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

349-Taking Control of Our Happiness Choices

Did you know we only control about 50% of our happiness? The other half comes from our DNA! So, how can we take action to choose happiness? Tune in to learn more! 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life.

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat.  I found it fascinating that researchers have settled on the idea that our DNA makes up for about 50% of our happiness.  It’s our baseline happiness.  And the other 50% is made up of our circumstances and our habits.   So our circumstances come and go, both good and bad.  What’s interesting from the research is that our circumstances don’t keep us happy or sad for very long, that’s just not part of the way our mind works.  So the lottery won’t keep you happy for the rest of your life and the same is true if you are in a terrible accident or get cancer.   

 

That leaves us with what we can control. And this is what gets me super excited about life. This percent of happiness we can directly affect by how we show up.  Who we surround ourselves with, what types of content we consume, if we move our bodies, if we have good happiness habits, like gratitude and if our work is purposeful to us, not the type of work, but it’s more about the feeling it gives us.  This is where the magic happens. 

 

Today, think about what you can control.  How are you showing up?  What is one thing you can do to give yourself a boost in happiness?  And make it a good day. 

 

Let me know how you are intentionally showing up today by DMing me on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

348-Picking Your Priorities Part-2

Too often we make other people's priorities our priority, but truly makes you happy? I challenge you to find those core values and start making them a priority in your life. Tune in to finish this 2-part series. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and yesterday we talked about identifying your core values by peeling the layers of what you already know brings you joy.  I used the example of brunch with friends, or something with others that brings you joy.  

 

Too often we have other people’s priorities on our calendars.  We hand over the decision making to our email urgency and quickly everyone else’s priorities become ours.  What’s left for what really matters to you?  What moves the needle in your goals?  What do you care about? 

 

I advocate that we HAVE the time for our priorities when we lean into the idea that we have the ability to choose and we are clear on what our priorities are.   

 

If sipping a cup of coffee while doing a crossword puzzle brings you joy, then you should have that time allotted in your calendar.  Even more important than having it identified in your calendar, is that you do it.  Don’t break promises to yourself - they may be the most important promises you ever make. 

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not as easy as it sounds.  Which is why we talk about harmony.  It’s not 100% of the time, it’s 80-ish%, it’s not beating yourself up when you miss a few days or something else becomes a priority.  It’s more about keeping it top of mind so that we don’t get sucked into the hamster wheel of our daily todos. 

 

Let me know how this is working for you, DM me on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

347-Picking Your Priorities Part-1

Identifying and pursuing your priorities in life (i.e., core values) allows you to choose happiness every day. Tune in for part 1 of this 2-part series!

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and sometimes it’s hard to know what really makes you happy because you haven’t identified your priorities.  It’s easy to say brunch with friends or date night with my partner, or family game night.  But why?  When we ask ourselves more questions, by peeling back the layers of “why” we can uncover our core values and use them as our North Star to create lasting happiness. 

 

The act of enjoying brunch with friends or date night is not going to maintain a heightened level of happiness for very long, that’s the science around hedonic adaptation (general tendency to return to a set level of happiness despite life’s ups and downs).  

 

But understanding why that brunch helps you feel happier might.  If we peel back a layer, perhaps it is the connection between friends that you enjoy so much.  If we peel back again, perhaps it’s a specific type of friend, one that is also happy, that appreciates the same things as you, that makes you feel good about yourself.  

 

You see, we're starting to uncover the deeper roots of our own personal happiness. So, in this example, connection might be a core value and adding a bit of intentional connection with the right people everyday could boost your happiness.  

 

Tell me, have you identified one of your core values? Tomorrow, we’ll continue this discussion. 

 

DM me on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

346-Pursing Your Purpose Improves Your Happiness

Nobody is happy all the time, but you can improve your happiness by pursuing your purpose. Learn more in this episode! 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and purpose is a big word, one of which I am still pursuing and analyzing for myself.  What I’ve found so far is that purpose doesn’t have to be this big scary thing.  So many people we know, especially entrepreneurs, are desperately searching for their purpose.  But let’s reframe this in the realm of happiness.   

 

Purpose is how you feel when you are doing the thing you are doing.  This can be some academic research, your work, building a business or a community, being a parent.    

 

Happiness is not a constant emotion.  We are not happy all the time.  Your purpose becomes a reference point when making decisions.  Almost like a filter for what to say yes to and what to say no to. 

 

When you can lock on to your purpose or your north star, it seems to make decisions easier.  But moreover, it seems to give you a heightened sense of satisfaction.  And what we know from the research is that satisfaction is a key component to happiness.   

 

So in this roundabout way, if fulfilling your purpose will help you feel satisfied, then you are well on your way to more happiness.  

 

Follow us @everydayhappinesswithkatie where you get these briefings and happiness quotes every single day.   

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

345-The Secret To Happiness

The secret to happiness is 5 words: Happiness is love, full stop. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and a Harvard study followed 724 men since they were teenagers in 1938. Approximately 60 men, now in their 90s, are still left, over 84 years. The group consisted of men from various economic and social backgrounds.  Over the years, the study has grown to their family members, more women and a more diverse population.  Every two years the researchers ask these study participants questions about their lives and their mental and emotional wellness. 

 

Vaillant  was the study’s architect.  He ran the study at the Harvard Medical School. And he says, the secret to happiness is 5 words: happiness is love, full stop. 

 

Oxytocin is the love chemical.  It is produced in eye contact and touch.  It is the gift of bonds with other people.  It’s the feeling you get when you first lay eyes on your newborn child. 

 

We are wired for love. 

 

Your time is short, focus on what matters.  How much of your life, your attention, your focus is on things that don’t matter? Ask yourself, am I spending my time too focused on other things? 

 

The biggest problem we are facing in America today from a public health perspective is a loneliness epidemic.  Depression and anxiety are rising at alarming rates especially among young adults.  53% of people under 30 confess that “no one knows me well”.  And, It’s puzzling, 43% of people over 65 feel lonely.  And what we know is that loneliness is not just rich white men in their 60’s anymore.  It’s your neighbor, your kid, your spouse, your friend, your co-worker, the barista with a smiling face at the local coffee shop.    

 

So what do we do? We make eye contact.  We show love, compassion and thoughtfulness through kindness. 

 

Until next time, look around and spread some kindness right in your neighborhood, because, as we know, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

344-What Does Loneliness Look Like?

Are you a “deal friend'' or a “real friend”? 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I heard that there was a massive dip in happiness during the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic.  But, 9% of the people got happier.  Those people were the extreme introverts.  Here’s the deal.  We have a society that is mainly built for and run by extroverts.  So a lot of society is extrovert driven.  And it makes perfect sense that the happiness meter globally and certainly in the US took a big dip. 

 

At the beginning of the coronavirus, 60% of people wanted to quit their jobs because they were so lonely and by the end  60% said they didn’t want to go back to work.  You see, the happiness meter changed for so many people.  The level of happiness we’re striving for, that bar has been lowered.  

 

Historically, 60-year old men who were above average in income, who had big job titles were the loneliest of all the demographics of people.  What they found is that they were around people all day, but not in meaningful connection.  They didn't have strong social connections. But what we’re seeing is that it’s not just 60-year-old men, it’s spreading and it’s now infiltrating the rest of the population. 

 

The point is that real friendship, intentional connection, deeper social connection with people matters.  Matters more than we may realize.   

 

Arthur Brooks says if we are wondering where our social connection is, ask ourselves.  Do we have “deal friends or real friends”  He says real friends are useless, but not worthless, they are useless and he encourages us to ask, are our friendships just a little bit too useful?  Do we look around and can easily pinpoint the usefulness of the people around us?  

 

You are useless to me, and I love you.  Imagine that.  It’s this idea that connection comes from the intimacy of friendship.  I see those memes on social media, the idea that real friends come over and you don’t care if the house is a mess.  Real friends are the ones that sit on the kitchen floor with you because that is there your toddler wants to play in the tupperware drawer. 

 

So today, the message is simple. Real social connections are critical for happiness.  When you have a social connection, you are less likely to be lonely.  Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert or be the life of the party.  It’s just finding a few friends that are completely useless to you. 

  

Until next time, remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Inspired by:  Arthur C. Brooks on the Secret to a Happy Life | In Pursuit of Happiness

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKdaU_amFxI

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/