Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss

393-The Brain as a Glitter Jar

Our brains are like a jar of swirling glitter, especially when we are young. I encourage you to tune in today to get the full scope of this analogy and how to use it with your kids. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and years ago I was listening to a talk by child psychologist and author Lisa Damour about raising kids, especially girls and she talked about an analogy she had heard of that seems so practical and effective for kids and adults that I wanted you to have this analogy too. 

 

But before I get into that, please consider subscribing and writing a review for Everyday Happiness on Apple Podcasts or Amazon Flash Briefings so we can spread happiness to others.  Apparently, until you have 50 reviews, it’s really hard to get noticed in this busy world, so we’d be so grateful for you to be one of the first 50.  You’d really be helping us out.  There is a link in the show notes. 

 

Back to the glitter jar.  Imagine you fill a jar with water and glitter.  three colors of glitter: one to represent thoughts, one to represent feelings, and one to represent behaviors

 

This jar represents your brain.  The jar is like our mind, and each color of glitter represents something different in our mind.

 

When the jar sits on the table, all the glitter falls to the bottom, the mind is calm. 

 

We wake up, we go to work, we do all the things and the mind starts to swirl.  The glitter starts to wake up too.  

 

We don’t want the thoughts and feeling to go away or push them down in our body.  We just want to be able to see clearly.  When the jar is all shook up, emotions are high, we can’t see clearly.  We can’t think. 

 

For adults, we also need time to calm down, to gather our thoughts, to have a moment and let the glitter settle so we can see and think clearly.  

 

In kids, because their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, they literally don’t think like we do, and really need time to think and calm themselves down because the neurons in their under-developed brain are like the glitter and firing on all cylinders and not in the way grown-ups process, they are just not developmentally ready.  

 

So the next time you feel out of sorts, take a moment, and think of the glitter jar and let those emotions and thoughts settle a bit. 

 

You can Google “mind in a jar, glitter” and get tons of how-tos to make your own jar and scripts to explain this to your child.   

 

I hope this tip was helpful.  Until next time. Remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

392-Ditch the Busy Badge

When someone asks how you are, is your automatic response to say "busy" even if you aren't more busy than normal? Today, we talk about wearing the busy badge and if it is affecting your happiness.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I was wondering, does busyness make us happier?  I’ve been wondering if being busy is part of our ego trying to tell us that we are important, people want to hear from us or they need us.  Of course, doing for others and kindness will increase happiness, there is a ton of science to back this up, but I’m wondering if we’ve created a culture of being busy for the sake of being busy.  You know what I mean? 

 

You bump into a friend and they ask how you are? You say “busy”  and you probably feel busy .. but why?  Why do we feel so busy and is it truly bringing us happiness? 

 

In the same sense, maybe you don’t feel busy, but you say it anyway, it’s the reaction, you have some margin, but you also have a lot going on, but you still say “busy”.  I do this all the time.  I’m actually not that busy.  But my initial reaction is to say “busy”. 

 

Is my busyness more important than your busyness… why are we doing this? I wonder if it’s cultural, does this idea that women are running around busy need to change?  

 

I started trying to stop myself, when I heard the word “busy” come out of my mouth, I started to rephrase with abundant or fulfilled or just simply answering the question, I’m good.  Or whatever I’m actually feeling. 

 

I invite you to try it on for size.  Reject the urge to say busy, or just be aware how much we’re saying it and do a little re-frame in your mind.  I think you’ll be like me, and find that not using the busy badge might make you just a tiny bit happier. 

 

And if you enjoyed this episode of Everyday Happiness,make sure that you hit the subscribe button wherever you are tuning into today, so that you never miss an episode. And, if you would be so kind and leave a 5-star review, all of us over here producing this micro-podcast would be so incredibly grateful. 

 

Until next time. Remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

 

391-Hedonic Adaptation Prevention

Today we are talking about the Hedonic Adaptation Prevention (HAP) method, this is the tool to combat your happiness returning to baseline.   

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today we are talking about the Hedonic Adaptation Prevention (HAP) method. I was recently reading about this concept in Sonya Lyubomirsky’s update article about her Happiness Pie Chart; I have attached the link in the show notes if you are interested. 

 

Before diving into HAP, let’s take a quick moment to review what hedonic adaptation is. Hedonic adaptation is the natural process where heightened happiness due to some new circumstance inevitably loses its shine, and your happiness levels return to where they were before the change occurred. 

 

For example, the change could be getting married, buying a new car, moving to a new place, etc. When these positive changes occur, you get a boost in happiness. Then, over time, you get used to this new circumstance, it becomes the new status quo, and it no longer initiates that happiness boost. 

 

That seems unfair! Why shouldn’t we continue to get happiness from a positive change in our lives? Well, that’s where HAP comes in. The HAP theory assumes that hedonic adaptation is not inevitable as long as you continue to interact with the new circumstance in a positive way that continues to boost your happiness. 

 

It is kind of like feeding a fire. If you don’t add anything to it, it will burn out. You have to keep adding in resources for it to be a big, bright, pretty flame. 

 

In the update, two routes are given to keep that fire of happiness going. The first route is a button-up technique. This requires you to pursue positive emotions, both varied and sometimes surprising. For example, this would be like taking regular walks in your new neighborhood if you switched homes and even holding the occasional dinner party. 

 

The second route is a top-down method that involves avoiding the tempting thoughts of bigger and better. Going back to that new house example, the happy new homeowner should continue appreciating their new home and all its features rather than dreaming ahead to the next house with even bigger and better features. Why? Well, doing so diminishes the happy thoughts about your current home…thus, making the happiness fade faster. 

 

Now, will the HAP method work forever? Probably not. BUT, you can get your biggest happiness bang for your buck by using this theory. And I quote, “The HAP model merely shows how to slow down this restless and relentless process, so that one can fully enjoy the life benefits that one has already earned.” 

 

I’m curious, what experiences have you had with this theory?  Send me a DM on social.  I’m over at @everydayhappinesswithkatie 

 

And remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

Inspired by this article in http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/files/2019/11/Sheldon-Lyubomirsky-2019.pdf 

390-Happiness Pie #3

Do you like pie? How about happiness pie? In this mini-series, I am sharing with you how our happiness pie chart is broken down into three unique sections. Today, we talk about the third slice, intentional activities.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and over the last two days, we have been talking about your happiness pie. As a quick reminder, your happiness pie is cut into three slices. The first slice is your genetic baseline for happiness. The second slice accounts for current circumstances. The last slice we will explore more in-depth today is your intentional activities, which make up the remainder of the pie. 

 

In How of Happiness and her update, Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that the intentional activity portion of the pie is the part we have the most control over. How we choose to act and think determines our happiness outcomes. We have the neverending potential to improve our happiness or send it down the gutter. 

 

We talk about numerous ways to improve happiness in this podcast, but I want to share a critical point Sonja mentioned in her update. That point was that happiness methods must cater to the individual and be varied. Let’s break that down. 

 

First, we each have unique methods for achieving happiness. What works for one person, won’t always work for the next. It is vital that we find those happiness improvement techniques that work for us, and it may take a while to figure out what those are so don’t give up! 

 

Second, happiness techniques must vary. We can’t use the same practice over and over again because it will lose its effectiveness. We must have an arsenal of techniques that work for us that we can bounce between. Maybe one day it is writing gratitude letters and the next it is meditating. 

 

The whole point I am trying to make with this mini-series about happiness pie is that while we may have no control over our genetics, we, fortunately, do have the ability to control and influence a large part of our happiness. 

 

It is how we choose to embrace and practice the parts of our life within our control that matter. We have the power to control our mind and spirit in how we react and adjust to life. We can choose to pursue happiness. I hope that you will continue to join me on this journey of utilizing happiness. It is inside you; you just have to tap into it. 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

Inspired by this article in http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/files/2019/11/Sheldon-Lyubomirsky-2019.pdf 

389-Happiness Pie #2

Do you like pie? How about happiness pie? In this mini-series, I am sharing with you how our happiness pie chart is broken down into three unique sections. Today, we talk about the second slice, circumstances.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and we are continuing our chat from yesterday. Today, we are expanding to discuss the happiness pie chart, which I learned from Sonja Lyubomirsky’s How to Happiness book. Now, keep in mind that this book was published in 2007, and since then they have revised some of their ideas due to more research. I talked about that news briefly in episode 350, but all the information here is based on that update. 

 

Moving on. Let’s take a quick moment to review. Your happiness pie is cut into three slices. The first slice is your pre-determined happiness range, which we talked about in the last episode. 

 

The second slice is your circumstances. This slice takes into account your current circumstances, whether you are rich or poor, healthy or ill, beautiful or ugly, successful or jobless, married or divorced, the list goes on and on. 

 

What I find astonishing is how little your current circumstances affect your overall happiness. Having all of the luck and riches in the world won’t make you much happier. On the plus side, that also means that negative situations like becoming ill, losing a job, getting divorced, or crashing your car have little impact on your long-term happiness. 

 

Let’s say you do have a happy circumstance change. The happiness it does give you is short-lived because hedonic adaptation will send you right back to that happiness range we discussed earlier. That is…unless you take active action to prevent hedonic adaptation. As a part of their update, Lyubomirsky notes that the Hedonic Adaptation Prevention (HAP) model demonstrates that you can continue to interact with a new life changes past its normal influence. To do this, you must actively act in one of two ways. First, you can continue having positive experiences with the change to feed that happiness fire, such as hosting dinner parties at a new home. Second, you can appreciate what you have instead of quickly moving on to dream of the next big thing. For example, you could actively think about all the awesome features of your new car, rather than wishing for the newest model. 

 

What’s so incredible about this is that you can influence how big this slice of your happiness pie is simply with the HAP model. 

 

So, what about the last slice of the pie? That last slice of the pie is your choice for intentional activities. This is the part of the pie that we have the most control over as our daily choices in what we do and how we think to determine our happiness levels. 

Want to learn more? Check out our next episode of Everyday Happiness! 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

Inspired by this article in http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/files/2019/11/Sheldon-Lyubomirsky-2019.pdf

388-Happiness Pie #1

Do you like pie? How about happiness pie? In this mini-series, I am sharing with you how our happiness pie chart is broken down into three unique sections. Today, we talk about the first slice, genetics.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and did you know that there is a “set range” to happiness? There is, and this pre-determined aspect dramatically affects your happiness. How does it work? 

Growing research completed with identical and fraternal twins suggests that each person is born with a particular happiness range that comes genetically from our biological parents. Of course, there is an average happiness baseline where most people tend to sit naturally. That also means that some people are genetically less happy or more happy than others as well.  

 

In addition, this range is what our happiness levels will return to even after crises and joys due to hedonic adaptation, which many of you have heard about in previous episodes. Depending on that crisis or joy, you may sit lower or higher in that range, but you are still somewhere within your genetically described limits. 

 

The easiest way to think about the happiness range for me is by comparing it to people’s weight. Some people are just naturally skinny, while others may have to battle their weight their entire lives to maintain a healthy figure. Our bodies have a comfy weight it likes to sit at, whether that is 120 to 130 pounds or 170 to 190 pounds, and anything above or below that number takes substantial effort. 

 

The same applies to happiness. Your happiness “weight” likes to sit at a particular spot. To go above and below that range relies on other factors, and to consistently stay above that range (i.e., to be happier) takes significant effort. 

 

Tune in tomorrow to find out about happiness pie and what the slices entail! 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

387-Fortifying Friendship

Do you have a 4am friend? In this episode of Everyday Happiness, we are talking about forging and fortifying true friendships. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and today I want to talk to you about friendship. Can you name at least one 4am friend? A 4am friend is someone you can call at 4am with any bizarre request, and they will do whatever they can to help you out. If you don’t have a 4am friend, it’s time to get one. Why? 

 

Studies have shown that having strong social connections is not only critical for our happiness, but it is beneficial for our health. Additional studies suggest that people are 12 times more likely to feel happy on days when they spend between 6 to 7 hours with friends. AND, research shows that people with those strong social connections are 50% less likely to die early!

 

I am very fortunate and grateful for my 4am friends. They are mutually beneficial relationships that help us through all stages of life. Unfortunately, life can get busy, and sometimes friendships can get pushed aside when juggling work, family, and other duties. But, we must actively try to not let that happen for long! 

 

Therefore, here are some tips on how to fortify your friendships. 

1. Take time to connect. This means making an effort to listen to their life updates, ask deeper, harder questions, and be understanding even if you don’t agree with all their choices. 
2. Savor the little moments. Rather than only rushing to the next big experience, take the time to savor little moments. Whether it is getting a cup of coffee, laughing over puppy videos, or attempting an exercise class together, these are the moments that will forge the greatest connection. 
3. Celebrate! Make sure to celebrate your friend’s successes. Rather than sharing your wins in return or being jealous, focus on them and their accomplishments. 

 

That’s all for today, but make sure to leave Everyday Happiness a review if you haven’t already! They really do mean so much to us and it helps us spread more kindness and happiness.  

 

And remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

 

Inspired by this article in Positive Psychology 

386-Take Action to be Intentional with my Free Guide

Focusing on our ideas and organizing our day with Intentional Margins can be challenging. That is why I have created this FREE GUIDE to help you! It's a simple, quick, and efficient way for you to take control of your day with Intentional Action.  

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I created and tested a printable one pager on starting our days.  It’s not a planner.  It’s not a journal.  It’s a guide.  A daily page.  A template to get our brains thinking about the right things and how we are going to manage our day and the surprises that come up along the way - because let’s face it - that seems to always happen.  The best laid plans, right?   

 

If you want to grab this, it was just offered in my membership community, but I am giving it to everyone over on my website www.katiejefcoat.com/blog just click the resource image for My Intentional Day. 

 

For a long time, I would wake up, look at my emails, and then start my day. I would be reactive instead of proactive. Then I heard someone say, “your email is someone else's to-do list.” That’s when I realized my email was making me feel “productive,” but it was hollow; I wasn’t getting closer to my goals.  And I wasn't feeling good about my day. 

 

It was time to make a change. I had to find a better way to manage my day. I spent years

searching for the perfect productivity hack. What I found was that I didn't need more

time, and no productivity hack was going to help me FEEL less overwhelmed, less busy, less stressed, or less pulled in a million different directions.

 

That’s when it hit me. I just needed to do the right things for this season of my life. I knew I wanted to be busy and feel balanced. I wanted to feel like I was in control of my life even in the chaos. I wanted that illusive harmony.

 

I created My Intentional Day as a tool for me and now you to bring our priorities into focus and our tasks into alignment with our abundantly busy days.

 

The plan is simple. I walk you through the sections in the intro page of the PDF. Imagine we’re sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee. I’m sharing with you how I finally stopped feeling overwhelmed (most of the time - I’m human ;)) and found the harmony to be busy and balanced.

 

And I always say, before you start, keep this in mind: There are a million ways to do anything, and this is your template. I encourage you to make it your own so that it works perfectly for you at this season of life. 

 

We’ll cover high level priorities, focus, tasks, gratitude and sleep.  But first, every day, we remind ourselves of our success the day before - why, because as busy as we are, we tend to get 37 of the 42 things done on our to-do list and we only remember five we didn’t complete.  That’s not how we start our day friend, it really is life changing and I can’t wait for you to get your hands on it.  So jump over to www.katiejefcoat.com/blog and grab your free printable daily page today.  

 

Until next time, remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

385-Practicing Gratitude Makes You More Grateful

Gratitude doesn't come as a natural thought process for most, especially daily, unless you train your brain to think that way. Learn more about the science of gratitude in this episode! 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and we talked a while back in Episode 49 about acting “as if”.  Well, the research shows that this also works for gratitude.  When you act more grateful, you can make yourself more grateful and when you are more grateful for what you have (and not what you want), you are happier.  

 

Well that seems simple enough.  But, we’re complex humans and it’s just not always that easy, especially if we don’t have a consistent practice for doing it.  

 

This is all about being mindful and intentional and turning your outlook to one of gratitude.  

 

In an article in Psychology Today, they asked, how does gratitude make you happier? 

 

The research says that one way is by stimulating two important regions in our brains.  The area that regulates stress, and the area that plays a significant role in the brain’s reward system that produces feelings of pleasure.

 

In this article, it quotes Arthur Brooks' suggestion of three strategies to harness the positive effects of gratitude. 

 

Practice interior gratitude, like keeping a gratitude journal 

Practice exterior gratitude, like writing a thank you note 

Practice being grateful for the little things, the things you often overlook, like clean water and a fully stocked grocery store. 

 

So, I am grateful for you, for listening to this episode.  I am grateful to you for sharing this micro-podcast and leaving a review on Amazon, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you tune in, if you are inclined to do so.  

 

And remember, kindness is contagious. 

Inspiration for this episode and the research mentioned comes from an article from Psychology Today. 

 

 

 

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

384-Gratitude for Relationships

In life, we have relationships with countless people. However, how often do you take time to be truly grateful for the ones who are dearest in your life? Learn more in today's podcast!

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I read an article in the Harvard Health blog that referenced studies that looked at how gratitude can improve relationships, it strengthens our connections with people.  It said that “a study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.”  This is incredible friends!  This is literally something we can all do everyday, and the research shows that it actually makes a difference.  It’s so simple.  

 

It lights my hair on fire, it’s exciting to be reminded how powerful our brains are.   A gratitude about my husband will now be a statement I never miss in my gratitude journal.  What do I love about my husband.  

 

This got me thinking about how I can show up, so the people in my life are grateful for me ;) 

 

I have two affirmations around my immediate relationships that I want to share with you, as inspiration for your own affirmations.  

 

I am an exceptional wife. 

I am a calm, patient and present mother. 

 

I hope this gives you inspiration for your own gratitude practice.  If you are called to leave a review, I would be so incredibly grateful, it’s one of the best ways we can grow this micro-podcast and share more happiness together. 

 

Inspiration for this episode and the research mentioned comes from a 2011 article from Harvard Health.  

 

Get Everyday Happiness delivered to your inbox by subscribing at: https://www.katiejefcoat.com/happiness

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/